Drove over to Kingston hoping it would make me feel better or something to see family. No, not really. Urge to kill self is as strong as usual. All they do is tell me I should give up on school and waste taxpayer money by working at the shipyard. Sounds mind numbingly dull. Only upside is the oppurtunity to Dorner (I think that's the shipyard guy) these useless people who do nothing all day. Oh but I would get the wonderful oppurtunity to be a useless HR bureaucrat who emails paperwork to new hires, conducts two interviews (they will never hear anything back, too much effort to send a rejection email) then takes a six hour lunch until it's time to go home. Oh boy this is the best life has to offer!!! My aunt wants the job that books airplane tickets and makes itineraries. That is literally an job AI could do. Received further reinforcement that Forest is unambitious and will never be the provider he pretends he will be. I already knew that but what can I do? Him and Rosalind are the only ones in my life that provide me any dopamine. I know it's a waste of money but maybe university will fill my life with... something. Purpose, a social life, and a goal to work towards would be nice. A social life is asking too much, I already know. I either make my buddies mad or they JUST DONT RESPOND EVER. I feel like I have no choice but to pursue nursing at this point. I don't have a calling for anything in particular and I never will. At least nursing provides a meaningful way to spend time and an above average income. Being in Kingston reminds me I'm chasing a high that was pathetically meager in the first place and it's so sad that outings with surface level companions (not friends!!!) and shooting the shit with smelly basement dwellers meant so much to me. And to think Forest was the best one out of the bunch... I could vomit because it makes me upset this is really the best I deserve. He is so satisfied with himself for doing the bare minimum and thinks I should just be happy with him making three dollars above minimum wage at 25. No education, dwindling social circle, no worthwhile possessions other than a car I helped pay for.... So embarassing. He won't even set foot in the union to ask about apprenticeships. The funny thing is I've told him this and he just sits there and takes it. SAD. Almost as embarassing as me but at least I make money with my menial labor and IM STRIVING FOR SOMETHING. I reach and reach and reach only for bureaucracy to step on my fingers while they laugh at me. Or in the case of the residency bitch at the university, refuse to take any calls, send the same pdf over and over again, and give one word replies to any questions I have. And my recourse is nothing. I have to keep my head down because they put retards in positions of power. I have never encountered someone so useless in my life. If I was made king for a day I would sentence all bureacratic desk jockies to death by firing squad then have them buried in a mass grave. If I had time left over I would have as many highway patrol cops lynched as possible. There are no arguements that can justify the existance of these people. The world would be a better place. "Oh no who is going to pull over the cars going too fast on the highway!!!!!" No one and the world will be better off for it. Ford Focus getting road rage from you going less than 100 mph in the fast lane? Keep up or cry about it in the right lane.